He's Not Here
by Devers18
Summary: "Why are you here?" Kurt asked. "I think...I think it's because of you...I love you, Kurt..." "I love you too, Dave, but you can't stay..."
1. Chapter 1

**_Hey guys, I'm back! Yay! This is my first time writing anything for Kurtofsky, so I hope you enjoy! =D_**

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><p><em>Do You Feel He's Still Real?<em>

_Love It's Just Not So_

_Why Is It You Still Believe?_

_Do You Dream Or Do You Grieve?_

_You've Got To Let Him Go_

"Dave...I have to tell you something," Kurt whispered, looking around the hallway to see if anyone was watching him.

Dave turned around and looked at Kurt concerned. The smaller boy looked so worried. Paler than usual and frantic. "What's wrong Kurt?" Dave asked. He thought it was because he was embarrassed being seen with him in his Bully Whips outfit. Granted, he felt ridiculous himself, but that didn't mean that Kurt had to be embarrassed.

Kurt opened his mouth to say something, but closed it and looked down at the ground, hugging his books tighter to himself. After a few seconds he looked up, tears in his eyes. "I think I'm insane..." Kurt whispered.

Dave looked around the hall nervously. If Kurt started crying people would think it was because of him. He didn't need the Glee Club coming down on him for something he actually didn't do this time. "Um...Why do you think that?" He asked cautiously. Why was Kurt talking to _him _about this? Didn't he have a boyfriend or something?

"Because I...I can see dead people," Kurt whispered, leaning forward toward Dave slightly.

Taken aback, David chuckled. "What are you talking about Hummel?"

"You! You're dead. And I'm talking to you..." he whispered.

Dave smiled and started laughing. "You're not serious, are you? I'm not dead...I'm right here!"

Kurt shook his head and started crying slightly. "You're dead. You killed yourself before I came back to McKinley," Kurt said, looking down at the ground again.

Dave chuckled. "How could I have killed myself if I'm talk to you right now?"

"That's why I'm insane..." Kurt mumbled. "When...They called my dad and told him what happened. And then, we came in to talk to Principle Figgins...You were _there. _You were sitting right there the whole time. Your dad...He was talking to you. _To _you. I didn't want to believe them...But Dave, you're dad...I know that now," Kurt whispered.

He couldn't help but laugh. Kurt was being insane. They were talking right now. They had been talking for about a month now. How could he be dead if they were still talking? And if he rally _was _dead, why Kurt of all people? "You are insane Hummel. But not because you see 'dead' people," Dave said, looking around the hallway nervously again. A few people were shooting Kurt concerned glances, but luckily no one was even looking at Dave.

"You are such an _idiot!" _Kurt yelled at Dave. "You are dead! I saw your body with the bullet hole in the side of your head!" Kurt yelled, sobbing and dropping his books.

Realization hit Dave like a ton of bricks. The reason why people weren't looking at him was because they couldn't see him. They thought that Kurt was talking talking to himself. They thought the pale boy was insane. Maybe he was.

"Why are you here?" Kurt whispered softly.

Dave opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. Why _was _he here? And why could only Kurt see him? He turned around and pressed his back to the lockers. He couldn't look at Kurt right now. It hurt him too much. "I think...I think it's because of you," Dave said softly, not looking at the smaller boy. "I love you Kurt," he whispered.

Kurt sobbed again and closed his eyes. "I love you too, Dave, but you can't stay. You need to go..." he said, shaking his head.

Dave turned to look at the smaller boy. There was nothing more beautiful than hearing those words pass Kurt's lips. After everything that Dave had done to him, Kurt still loved him. He turned around reached out to touch the smaller boy's cheek. But, his hand passed through him. Dave couldn't touch him. Not any more. _I love you...enough to let you go..._ Dave thought. He closed his eyes for a minute before opening them and taking a few steps forward, walking through Kurt.

When Kurt opened his eyes again, Dave was gone. The hallway was empty except for him, and a pile of books at his feet.


	2. Chapter 2

**_I didn't know that I was going to end up writing a second part to this, maybe even more parts in the future. So I would like to thank my bby, Salty, because she's the one who made me write this. Um, slight language warning? It's only one word, but still._**

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><p><em>Stop, Before You Fall<em>

_Into The Hole That I Have Dug Here._

_Rest, Even As You_

_Are Starting To Feel The Way I Used To._

He had seen Dave. Had seen, and touched, and _talked _to him. One minute he had been there, and the next...gone. David had killed himself. Kurt knew that. He had attended the funeral. He had seen the jock in the casket with the putting in the whole that he had blown in his head. Kurt _knew _that he was dead. And yet, there was still the lingering feeling of wanting to see him again. To try and tell him that things got better. That being gay, no matter how much ridicule he was going to receive, was okay.

Things got better. If not today or tomorrow, they would. They always did. It had been the only comfort that Kurt was finding recently. Telling himself that things got better. That Davis was in a better place. Happy, free to be who he wanted to be, and not alone anymore. Kurt ran a hand through his hair gently. Why was he thinking about David so much? He should hate the boy after everything that he had done. But he couldn't. He just just couldn't bring himself to hate David Karofsky. Not after the conversation in the hall. Not after David had apologized.

Kurt sighed and looked down at the French book that he was trying to study out of. He was trying. He was trying to push aside all thoughts of Dave and just go on with his life. Now that he finally had come to terms with David being gone, he could get back to his normal life. Get back to studying French and going out to coffee with Mercedes and Blaine, and focusing on Glee club, and just being _normal _again.

As the seconds ticked on, Kurt came to the realization that he had read the same paragraph twice, only understanding about half of what he read either time. His mind was too preoccupied with that dumb jock and his decision to end his life. Or did it end Kurt's life? When that bullet went through Dave's brain, did it not only end his own life, but Kurt's too? He couldn't go a day without thinking of him, not to mention the fact that Kurt had been able _see _David just earlier. Oh, but Kurt knew. Kurt was very much alive, and David was very much dead.

What did it all mean? He hadn't been able to see his mother when she died, and it would have made more sense if Kurt had been able to see her rather than David Karofsky. He had loved his mother with all of his heart and soul, and Dave was just...Well, _Dave. _The boy who pushed him into lockers and called him a girl. The boy who had kissed him and then threatened to kill him. The boy who scared him and hurt him until he ran away. Why would he see _him _of all people?

Sighing once again, Kurt closed his French book and pushed it to the side, giving up on trying to study. He was distracted and tired. Thinking about Dave was exhausting. Trying to figure out why he could see him and what it meant was exhausting. Everything about Dave was exhausting. Especially when thinking of David made Kurt's heart race and made his lips tingle and let his mind wander to thinking about David's arms wrapped around him, comforting him and just hold him. No! He couldn't be thinking of stuff like that!

"Ugh. David, why me? I know you said that you love me...but..." Kurt moaned, laying back on his bed, his hand over his eyes. He was just talking to his room, trying to get some of the thoughts out of his brain in order to concentrate. He never expected an answer.

"Because you were the only one who ever understood me," a voice said beside Kurt.

The boy's eyes flew open and he sat up, looking at Dave who was sitting on the edge of his bed. Seeing him there, Kurt let out a little scream and scrambled backwards off of the bed. Dave was just sitting there, staring at the wall, silent. "You're not suppose to be here! You left!" Kurt yelled at Dave.

Dave turned to look at Kurt. "You asked why I was here, so shut up!" he yelled back at the smaller boy. Kurt didn't say anything, but looked down and gently crawled back on the bed, keeping as much distance between him and David as possible. "You understood me, when I didn't even understand myself. You tried to help me, but I couldn't. I couldn't accept your help... All my life I was taught that asking for help, showing a sign of weakness- it was bad. I'm a man and men don't ask for help! Especially not when it comes to stuff like 'feelings' and 'relationships.' Fuck, my whole life I was told not to be one thing that I truly was! How was I suppose to deal with any of that?" Dave asked, turning away from Kurt and staring at the wall again. "And then you showed up. You were confident and out and ready to take on the school... and you gave me hope Kurt. Hope that I could actually come out and be happy.

"But then I saw what the other jocks did to you. Pushing you into lockers and throwing you into dumpsters... it scared me. I couldn't be the one getting through into lockers and dumpsters and stuff. I just _couldn't. _I would have been such a disappointment to my father..." Dave mumbled, clenching his fist against his knee. "You knew where I was coming from and you tried to help, even after all the crap I've don to you. And, I don't know how, or why, but some where along the way, I fell in love with you," Dave said softly. Dave looked up at Kurt. In that moment he was completely open and vulnerable. Everything about him.

Kurt saw the hurt and pain behind David's eyes and leaned over, touching his hand. He was surprised when he felt Dave's hand under his own. He smiled weakly and stared down at their hands for a second before looking up into David's eyes. "That still doesn't explain why you're here," he whispered softly.

David smiled weakly and turned to look at the wall again. "When you die, you're allowed to reveal yourself to one person. That person is allowed to see you and touch you and talk to you, and no one else in the world can. Unless you're dead, then you can communicate with others who are dead. You can't see your mom because she chose your dad. That's why he does the Friday night dinners still. Because _he _can see her," Dave explained.

"How do you know about Friday night dinners?" Kurt asked, confused.

David chuckled. "I'm not stalking you. I just spend a lot of time with your mother. She told me about them," he said simply.

Kurt smiled slightly and wiped at his eyes. Just the thought of his mother being in the house with them now was comforting to Kurt. "Why me though? Why no Azimio or one of your parentS?" Kurt asked, shaking his head slightly. He was still confused about what David was doing here, revealing himself to him.

Dave chuckled lightly and smiled. He turned from the wall to look directly into Kurt's eyes. "I figured that since you were the only person who saw me when I was alive, you should be the only person to see me when I'm dead."


	3. Chapter 3

**_Oh my goodness. I never thought that I would fall so in love with this story like I did, but I'm glad that I did. Especially since I have Salty to read it before I post it now. _**

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><p><em>I Dare You To Le Me Be Your One And Only<em>

_I Promise I'm Worth It_

_To Hold In Your Arms_

_So Come On And Give Me The Chance_

_To Prove I Am The One Who Can Walk That Mile_

_Until The End Starts_

_I Know It Ain't Easy Giving Up Your Heart_

Kurt smiled weakly at David. He didn't know what to say in response to that extremely heart-felt statement. How do you say anything to follow that? So, Kurt stayed quiet. He was only semi-aware that he was still clutching David's hand. It wasn't until Dave shifted slightly that Kurt became aware of them still touching.

"Did you mean what you said earlier?" Dave asked, his eyes turning to look at the younger boy. That same look of vulnerability from a few minutes ago was back.

"Mean what?" Kurt asked, his perfectly manicured brows furrowing, confused at David's question.

"You said that you love me…is that true?" the bigger boy asked, turning away and looking down at his lap. His voice was barely a whisper. The hurt and pain and vulnerability from his eyes was now seeping into his voice. Kurt could tell he was trying not to cry. He was trying not to break down and just do everything that he was always taught not to. To love and be loved, no matter what. To cry. Ask for help. Finally show a sign of weakness.

Kurt looked taken aback and pulled his hand away from Dave's. He turned away from him and stared at the wall. He had to be careful what he said at this point. If he said the wrong thing he would break David, and Kurt didn't want to be responsible for that. Not when Dave had made so much progress in just these past few minutes alone. Sighing softly, Kurt ran a hand through his hair. When Kurt finally spoke, it was soft and slow. It was evident that he was unsure about the answer he was about to give. "Yes, and no," he said simply. "I love the David Karofsky that is sitting on my bed right now. Not the Karofsky that I went to high school with. I love the Karofsky that was terrified of coming out to the school, or even to his own family. I don't love the façade that you felt you had to put on. But, I love you" Kurt smiled weakly and turned to look at David's profile.

David turned to look at Kurt. The pain was gone from his eyes, instead there was a type of content. He wasn't happy, but he wasn't hurting either. Not anymore. "Kurt…" Dave said softly. His name felt strange on his tongue. That's when he realized that this was one of the first times that he had actually ever called him by his real name.

Kurt smiled weakly hearing Dave call him by his real name for a change. He had only heard Dave use it once before, and that was when he had said that he loved him. "Yes?" Kurt asked softly when Dave didn't continue.

"Can…Can I kiss you?" David asked softly, a small amount of terror seeping into his voice. What if that had been the wrong thing to say? A bit of blush appeared in his cheeks and his eyes slipped back to his lap. He was avoiding all eye contact with Kurt. He looked so scared of rejection in that moment. So scared of being hurt. This was David, and he didn't know how to be comfortable in his own skin. That terror and hurt was just so real. Kurt's heart actually ached at the look on the jock's face.

"C-Can we? I mean, you're not real…" Kurt whispered, looking down at his own hands. He couldn't stand looking at David right now. He looked so scared and hurt that it was breaking his heart. Dave swallowed hard. Did Kurt actually want this? It sounded like it.

Not too sure if it was the right thing to do, Dave reached out and took Kurt's hand. "I'm real to you…For you…Always for you," Dave said simply. Hazel eyes met blue, and in that moment they knew. Knew that love they felt for each other. Against all odds and reason, they loved each other, and they knew it. Hazel met blue and lips met lips.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Oh my god. Thank you all for your reviews and support of this! _**

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><p><em>He, He Ain't Real<em>

_He Ain't Gonna Be Able To Love You Like I Will_

_He Is A Stranger, You And I Have History_

_Or Don't You Remember?_

_Sure, He's Got It All_

_But Baby Is That Really What You Want?_

Sun was streaming through the window into Kurt's face. He had forgotten to close the curtains before going to bed the night before. He wasn't upset though. Last night had been amazing. He had gotten to see Dave. Not only that, but Kurt had been able to actually talk to and get to know the real David Karofsky. Kurt wished that more people had been given the opportunity to know that Dave before he had killed himself.

Slowly opening his eyes, Kurt realized that he wasn't alone in bed. He let out a small scream and stumbled backwards, falling out of bed. After Kurt let out the scream, David grumbled and rolled over, turning to face Kurt. "_Must _you scream and wake me up?" he asked, his voice deep from sleep.

"Ghosts sleep?" Kurt asked suspiciously, crawling back into bed.

Dave groaned and stretched out his arms, closing his eyes again. "We're not ghosts. We're Non-Beings," he yawned. "Every one can see a ghost. Only the Chosen can see a Non-Being," Dave explained.

Kurt was sitting cross-legged on his bed, his back to David. Hearing about Non-Beings, Kurt turned to look at him. The bigger boy was laying there cuddled against a pillow. Smiling slightly, Kurt turned attention back to his own hands. "Non-Being. Got it. So do you guys do all of the normal things humans do? Eat, sleep, all of that?" Kurt asked, curious.

"Yeah. We're just like the Livings. Only we can appear and disappear and can only be seen by the person we choose. Of course, we get the opportunity to see anybody we want to. Living or not," Dave mumbled into the pillow.

Listening to the explanation, Kurt smiled. "So, like, my mom, she can see me?" he asked, hopeful. He turned to look at Dave, that blatantly hopeful look on his face. Dave opened one eye and stared at Kurt before closing it again.

"If she so wishes, than yes," he replied simply. The room dissolved into silence for a minute before Dave asked of of no where, "You miss her?"

Kurt smiled weakly and turned away. "Constantly. I was eight when she died," he said softly. "She was taken away so quickly, so soon," he whispered.

Dave opened his eyes and sat up, much to his displeasure. Of course if this had been anyone but Kurt, Dave would have said something along the lines of "I didn't ask for your life story, Hummel," but this _was _Kurt, and things were different. Kurt was the only person that cared for. Uncertainly, Dave shifted up the bed so that he was sitting next to Kurt. Slowly he reached out and took Kurt's hand. "Do you want to tell me about her?" That was an innocent enough question, right? It gave Kurt the opportunity to back out if he wanted to, but it also gave him the chance to talk about it and confide in someone.

Kurt looked up at David and smiled slightly. He squeezed Dave's hand and looked up at the ceiling, apparently thinking if this was the right thing to do or not. Finally he smiled and looked over at Dave again. "Her name was Angelia. I guess I get my love for Broadway and the stage from her because she was in love with musicals. Her favourite was The Producers. It's how I got Elizabeth as my middle name..." Kurt chuckled.

"Isn't Kurt from a musical too? Uh... Sound of Music?" Dave asked suddenly. Kurt's eyebrows shot up in surprise. There was no way in hell that David Karofsky liked the Sound of Music. "Uh... my grandmother loves Sound of Music and forced me to watch it with her," Dave explained quickly.

"Right," Kurt chuckled. He nodded with a sceptical look on his face and turned away, smiling.

"No! Really, it's true! Why would I watch Sound of Music!" Dave said loudly, blushing and turning away.

"Okay. I believe you," Kurt said with a smirk. The smirk faded quickly, his mind going back to his mother. "We had gone to see The Producers in the cinema. They had been doing a 35 year anniversary showing of the first movie. You know, the one with Gene Wilder. Not the one with Nathan Lane. Anyways. We were going home, and it started to rain. We were sitting at a stop light when a driver took the turn too wide and too fast..." Kurt paused and wiped at his eyes. "My mom threw herself in front of me to try and save me."

At this point, Kurt was crying. Dave frowned and pulled Kurt close to him in an awkward hug. David wasn't use to this kind of thing. He _didn't _comfort people. It just wasn't _him. _He sat there with his arm around Kurt, his hand gripping the smaller boy's. Kurt had his head on Dave's shoulder, his eyes closed, crying silently. "Kurt?" Dave whispered to the younger boy, turning to look at him. "You're not alone, you know... my mom died when I was four," Dave explained.

Sniffing slightly, Kurt sat up and looked at David. This was the first time he had heard anything about David's mother. Usually when you lived in a small town like Lima, Ohio, you knew everything about every one. Almost everyone knew that Kurt's mother was dead, even if they didn't know the details. "David... I'm so sorry. What happened?" Kurt asked, wiping his eyes.

Dave shrugged slightly. He hadn't told anyone but Azimio about his mother's death, and even then he hadn't really going into details. He had just mentioned it in passing. "It's okay, it happened so long ago," Dave said, shrugging again. He let go of Kurt's hand, but kept his arm around him. Dave sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I was four. She had been sick for a while. She had been doing better though. She was even released from the hospital before her death. Of course, the doctors... They all said that we had six months from the day she was released. Not even _six days _after she was released she started to bleed out. There was nothing they could do..." Dave whispered quietly. He clenched his hand into a fist, the sure-tell sign that he was trying not to cry. "I didn't understand it at the time. Why wasn't my mom coming back? What had happened... I don't think it all sunk in until I was six. My mom wasn't coming home," Dave said simply.

The bigger boy sighed and ran his hand through his hair again, only this time it was shaking. Dave was trying so hard not to cry at that point. Kurt could see it on his face. Hesitantly, the smaller boy reached out and took Dave's hand, not sure if this was the right thing to do in order to comfort him. "Thank you for telling me. I'm so sorry Dave. I know how hard it can be to lose a parent," Kurt said softly. This was new to him, comforting someone like Karofsky. It was awkward.

Dave shrugged again. "I've never told anyone about it before. Never really trusted them to understand, you know? I guess you're just special Hummel," Dave said with a smirk. This was his defence. If he got too close to crying or too close to anyone seeing the real him, he shut down. He went back to being the ass that he normally was.

Kurt smiled slightly and squeezed Dave's hand. "Still, thank you," Kurt said. "It means a lot to me. And I know that you're this big tough guy Dave, but it's okay to cry. I promise I won't tell anyone," Kurt joked.

Dave let out a chuckle and shrugged, wiping at his eyes. "It doesn't matter," he said simply. "That was thirteen years ago. Best no to dwell on the past, or whatever," Dave said shrugging and pulling away from Kurt. His arm dropped to the bed and Dave just stared at the wall for a minute. "So, um…what are you going to do today?"

Kurt smiled and looked at the clock. It was only 9 on a Saturday morning. There was a load of possibilities out there. That's when he remember that he promised Blaine that he would meet with him at the Lima Bean to discuss their plans for prom. "I have a date with Blaine this afternoon, but this morning I'm all yours," Kurt said happily.

Dave sat silently for a minute clearly debating what to say. Finally Dave spoke, his voice barely audible. "I don't want you to date him."

The smaller of the two was very clearly taken aback. His brows furrowed and he turned to look at Dave. "Why?" he demanded.

"Because I want you. I don't want to share you…" Dave replied quietly.

"You're not real, Dave! It's not normal for me to make out with ghosts or Non-Livings or whatever the hell you are. I have a wonderful, real, living boy who wants me. Why can't I have that?" Kurt asked, anger swelling in him.

"Because I love you!" Dave yelled at Kurt. He turned away and hid his face. He felt so embarrassed by ever admitting something like that.

Kurt sighed and stared at the side of David's face. "I can't love you. I do, but I can't. You're dead. If... If I kept loving you and only you... people will think I'm insane. I need a real person in my life," Kurt stated.

"Why?"

Kurt just stared at Dave with a look that screamed 'you've got to be kidding.' He sighed and smiled slightly. "You can't offer me what Blaine does. I can't walk down the hallway holding your hand. You and I can't go to Breadstix and have dinner together. We'll never be able to get married or have a family together! _He _can offer me that!"

"But I can off you so much more..." Dave whispered. "I will never hurt you, or leave you Kurt. You're what ties me to this world..." Dave explained. "If you don't want me... then I have nothing. I _need _you Kurt."

Dave sounded completely hurt. He was probably laying his whole heart out on the line for the first time in his life. It was hard to imagine what it was like to have to keep it all bottled up until this moment. What was even worse was that Dave had probably never told anyone before he killed himself. He looked like someone had kicked him. "I need you too Dave, but if you really love me, you'd let me go. You'd let me love Blaine. 'm never letting you go, but I need him too," Kurt whispered. He shifted so that he was kneeling and looking at the side of David's face. "You are my rock, and... I wish you were alive..." Kurt said, his voice breaking and looking like he was ready to cry again. "I wish you were alive, because I love you, but I _can't! _And it's not fair Dave! To love someone you can't have! It's not fair!" Kurt yelled at David, crying again.

Hearing Kurt's voice break, Dave turned to look at him. He reached out hesitantly and took Kurt's hand, bringing it up to his lips. "I'll wait for you Kurt. Until the end of time, I'll wait... And I Know it's not fair that you can't have me, but I'm going to wait for you. And I'm going to keep loving you, no matter what. Until you tell me you don't want me any more," Dave said softly. "Because I _know. _I know that feeling of loving someone you can't have. I _know _what it feels like to have your heart broken, and I'm never going to do that to you. _Ever._"

"Dave..." Kurt whispered.

"Yeah?" he asked, keeping his face turned away from Kurt.

Kurt smiled and cupped the side of Dave's face, forcing him to look at him. "Thank you," he whispered before leaning in and Kiss Dave lightly on the lips.

When Kurt pulled back, Dave was blushing.


End file.
